Updated: Jan 16
How are you feeling today?
When it comes to wanting to feel better clients quite commonly ask,
"How can I just feel happier, more content, more balanced?
I'm tired of feeling down in the dumps, I wish I could just let go of my frustrations.
Why can't I just wake up feeling good? "
Well, the truth there are many reasons why.
I believe we have lost our reality check on our expected emotional health.
When it comes to being human we are fortunately granted a huge smorgasbord of emotions which includes positive and negative. I believe we are meant to feel 50% positive and 50% negative.
I want to feel grief when I lose a loved one, I want to feel angry at inhuman acts, I want to feel wrong when i've made a mistake.
The most uncomfortable emotions we feel are actually here to guide us and keep us safe. It's just when we lose our inner connection and start to overly create unnecessary negative emotions our life gets thrown out of balance. We often don't even realise we are making ourselves feel bad. No one teaches us how to manage our emotional and mental health. Often we are taught harmful ideas that we did the best we could, don't worry about it, when we reach our goals we will feel better or we just need to focus on our blessings and we will start to feel much better.
The problem with these ideas is that often they take us away from what we need to feel and experience which is a necessary process that leads us to understanding why it impacted us so.
For the above examples I will show you how they can be harmful.
1. You did the best you could.
This basically states that you cannot do better. It doesn't acknowledge the efforts you put in. It allows one to stay idle to the same result. It can makes someone more reactionary to the so called 'fail',which, is usually caused by our own thoughts.
We want a result and when we don't achieve it, we give ourselves a hard time even though we don't need too.
I want to teach you that failing is your first attempt in learning. If you're not failing once and a while it means you are staying the same.
2. Don't worry about it.
Now this is a big one as there are many 'worries' in this world yet when someone says to another 'don't worry about it mate', it provides a cover up.
It is saying to the other that whatever you are feeling right now isn't important. It isn't necessary, just stop. Which often makes that person continue to internalise their worries.
The question one needs to ask is why are you worried about it? That is where the magic of feeling better will happen.
3. When you reach your goals you will feel better.
Externalising our feelings is danger 101. Feelings are an inside job and they are created from our thoughts and previous life experience. This means you get to decide whether your achievement of your desired result makes you happy or not.
Can you just choose happy either way?
4. You need to focus on your blessings and you will feel better
The dis-ease of positivity. We all know how good it can feel when we actively choose thoughts that make us feel blessed. All those memories that make us smile, feel lucky and loved. They are a wonderful tool for us to tap into yet I am seeing a recurrent theme that choosing excessive positivity is actual creating harm. It can take people away from their true reality and deny them appropriate feelings.
We all have to remember it is ok to feel sadness through lose.
We all have to remember that it is ok to feel regret when we have made a mistake.
We all have to remember it is ok to feel angry when there is an injustice in our world.
And we all have to remember that it is ok to feel frustrated when the things we are working hard for aren't achieved readily.
Allowing the processing of all our emotions allows true balance. Otherwise it's like swimming in the ocean against the current. It's a constant fight, we feel like the ocean current (negative emotion) could take us underwater at anytime. If we can learn how to go with the ocean current (negative emotion) we will find soon enough we make it safely back to shore or if not rescued with the assistance of someone that can help us learn how to work with the ocean current (our negative emotions).
We can't just redirect our focus. We need to allow ourselves permission to say it's ok.
When we avoid, deny or cover up our negative emotions they stay inside us until they find another opportunity to be felt. They either come out at inappropriate times or we feel them more and more and sometimes we can't find the real why to why we keep feeling the same uncomfortable feelings. This often leads to self medicated false fixes, like food, alcohol, drugs and over working.
Often the starting point with understanding our emotions is knowing more about emotions. I suggest you start to look at your smorgasbord of emotions. Look at the true definition of the emotion, look at how your body feels that emotion and consider when it is appropriate to feel that feeling. Consider how you can feel celebratory when your experiencing a negative emotion. For example I get excited when something fails as I know i'm closer to a win, I enjoy feeling frustrated at my loved ones when they don't follow my advice as it reminds me how much I love them and I simply want them to have an easy, happy life and then there's those feelings of doubt that help me make sure i'm staying aligned to my purpose.
If you feel overwhelmed considering the concepts of this blog today I suggest you seek the right support for you. Feel free to email me what you feel most stuck on and I will help you anyway I can.